1 Likes, 2 Comments - I love kiki break up with your boyfriend (@the_goat_andrew_murry) on Instagram: "Me and my giirrrllll!! Hes 46 and we fight about me telling him to shave to look professional at work and look nice for me!!! His tenure started post-surgery: He steered my wheelchair careening through the hospital hallways and into the elevator. Could I sit on my ass all weekend and keep all weight off it? But Id suggest contacting him once and then leaving the ball in his court. If I was giving advice to my younger self, I would say Go! Through the closed door, I heard it: profound annoyance at being interrupted. He GOT HIS YARD AND LOVED IT and I have to say as much as I bash FB they were very considerate when I requested his account be memorialized and recognized the size of that loss and when Kenny signed up he wasnt 13 yet so he lied about his age and proof of death such as a link to a news article or online obituary was first and foremost his timeline lol hes a DOG and a couple other places online where people had responded and some of them had when he was born and not only did I receive a very nice email from them and NO CRAP WHATSOEVER, they even fixed his age I have to say I was shocked. Its up to you to take action on the course of your life. A few hours later, I awakened to Nurse Nightingoat plying me with two Vicodin pills and a bowl of French Vanilla ice cream: The doctor said every 2-4 hours. You are in a seriously unsustainable situation. Understandable from both sides. But I have been really looking for information on how to heal from the relationship or Im not even really sure how to word what Im looking for. But it might be worth a try. You are most welcome. Where do I sign up?. I was fully willing to help, the sigh was an involuntary reaction, before even processing any follow through thought. My focus is either 10% or 200%, and so Im either wooing them or forgetting to call for a week at a time. 1) we are caregivers for my parents, and he occasionally makes decisions that put my familys safety at risk. Forgiving one another. It may not have been logical, but I needed to feel safe and I needed his help in covering up the knotholes with boards. He has short term memory and is more impressed when a doctor says it than when I do since he has also developed husbands ear, which is not limited to ADHD husbands, where what I say goes in one side and out the other without pausing. You Me ADD came out 13 years ago, one of the very few books on Adult ADHD at that time. Ive found a possible answer but the road ahead looks as bumpy as the road Ive been on for 30+ years. To fast-track your process, consider joining my online program Course 1 (Foundations) is available now, and Course 2 (Sleep & Medication) will be out soon. They want them to get with the program and throw all their support behind their ADHD partners. If he had the tools to CUT A HOLE IN THE FLOOR, he had the tools to cover it up or could get them. The articles I have read through have helped me understand his perspective on things. Dear Dr NerdLove, You have written eloquently about the ways ADHD has affected your life and your relationships. I have to be the one to tell my 5 kids, that I am sick and cannot help them. I studied borderline & ad/hd in regards to this, but really think it is ad/hd. Lastly, My Mother died.. I was in a semi-stupor. Youll turn me into poor Marilyn Monroe!. I didnt call him names and I owned my feelings. But also, maybe my course would be useful. You are obviously strong and have been taking care of so much. Its not fair. Thanks for detailing it, so that others coming along on the path behind you might reap some wisdom. You have a diagnosis that, as I understand it, is worsened by stress. And you have a right to be cautious about who you join up with in life. He has the capacity to be a very loving, kind and generous person, that why I fell in love with him, but Ive seen none of that for years now so I just have to trust that somehow we can bring that side of him back. I couldnt address it for several days, being too weak. That way, I could be sure of reaching him upstairs in his office, on the other side of the house, should I need him. He and his family has known since he was a kid. Many professionals just dont have a clue about how to approach a patient when talking about ADHD. Initially, there was concern that my wife had early on set dementia like her mum but I now understand that her short memory problems were more likely to be as a result of alcohol misuse. Thank you, Dr. Im am 57 and my daughter who is a 34 and her 3 year old live with me. The feeling then often passes without even needing this, just knowing I can have that if I need it. Everything youve described about your husband and his motivations/struggles sounds similar to my own. Her responsibility is to herself. I think we are like inverted pie charts of inattentive to hyperactive ratios he mostly physically on the go, and Im usually in my head, with a little of the other in each of us. :(. Now, after digesting the details of many other peoples stories, and reading how powerfully this disorder continues to invade, even control, marriages, I feel more overwhelmed and in more despair than ever. By the way, Im not sighing because I dont want to help you, I think Im just sighing because my brain is switching gears. Its like a part of my brain is sighing, but not my heart, or my higher brain I absolutely want to help him, and make him feel supported. So how can I take what I read and listened to and apply it to my relationship (now former relationship)? I could sense something was wrong (woman's intuition) and asked him whether there was something he wanted to tell me a couple of days after the party, to which he said no. And he held me and listened and validated me. Which should be fun, because he hasnt been working (unless you call building forts and training dinosaurs, work ), and has maxed out his credit cards. These days I show up with a cane. Believing that the best way to help people with ADHD is to align with them against the world, including their spouses. It wasnt always like this, has gotten worse the older he gets. Boyfriend broke up with me while in the hospital. LOL the entrance to the crawl space was at one end of a long one-story house. Support for the ADHD Partner. g. Hi That means its harder for him to jump into the conversation. It was incredibly validating to find similar sentiments expressed in your writing. Tinder Dating app Dating Relationships Family and Relationships. When am I being too supportive? If the person with ADHD does not do the work and realize the harm they cause, it will only get worse. I appreciate your situation hes the funny Godly guy while you are the little bag of frowns. My reply: youre a software engineer. And the whole deal with buying this house was weird but it was really good for the price and didnt have to be fixed up we didnt think so we had money to renovate it Kinda good thing a lesson was learned about doing business with friends (who have been brainwashed I swear after looking at this thing he said changed his life and he wanted me to do it) before we got too far along but um half the house has REALLY NICE HEAT and the other half has none well the master bedroom has some heat now, in combo with the A/C but the kitchen still has nothing. If we only knew, when we first step into the quicksand, what we would be up against. That is, Id be on my own if I were ever to become sick or incapacitated. I held out hope that he might actually be elsewhere in the house, out of earshot during and after my fall. I certainly saw his ADHD traits, particularly after living together, but his compassion and caring nature smoothed out the rough spots. Im so glad I found this site. What I am describing in this post are some of the common dynamics in a relationship when one partner has poorly managed ADHD and, as part of that for some people with ADHD, a difficulty expressing or feeling empathy. This page is so cool! What I have done is also wait and not paying a lot of attention to the initial reaction as you saying you are sick is a problem for me and then he would slowly land into reality. That is, when Im not working on everyday life tasks and continuing to rebuild the energy/functioning that I lost three years ago in my breakdown. Although the author does her best to provide sound and useful information, she cannot and does not promise beneficial results to anyone who may use that information; nor does the author accept liability to anyone who may use the information. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks agohe suffers from depression and anxiety. But you might have to work to get it. Thats happened to me beforelosing a carefully crafted post. :>) Interestingly enough the person I did this deep research dive for is in deep denial and avoidance of the issues and us. 3. But he cant even identify what he would want me to make him? There is a lot of garbage mixed in the legitimate info, and until you are really solid in your education, it can be tough to know which is which. Then there is impossibly toxic, destructive, and irreparable relationship dysfunction. As you learn more about ADHD, especially the emotional baggage of late-diagnosis, youll be better equipped to know the difference. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. A less direct approach may seem kinder in the momentbut trust, it . That might be more easily done if you find a partner who can act as a partner in a more equitable way. There are quite a few Australians taking the course. But over time, things should improve, if the medication is properly prescribed and taken. And the rest of the house was the old paint and just the subfloor with Kilz primer applied because between the walkthrough and us moving in, they let their dog pee all over and we had to rip up the new carpet they had installed. So, it is rare for the spouse to say, Hey, I figured it out ADHD! and the potential-ADHD spouse to say, Great! I have had connected this with ADHD way before he was diagnosed, not because I knew about this sort of things, but because I knew it was not normal. Just after actually seeing me he reacted accordingly. In our case, my husband was reliable on some level. You might want to read my most popular blog post: But most importantly, I couldnt put my finger on what was wrong with the relationship I began thinking she was losing interest and getting extremely rejection sensitive to perceived rejection when there was no problem at allinventing reasons for guilt. I agree with you.the Internet has been co-opted by amateurs peddling all kinds of ADHD snake oil. 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